When losing 1.8kg is a bad thing...

Today was the week 6 weigh-in for round 2 of the 2011 12WBT program. And I recorded a 1.8kg loss!

This brings my weightloss total to 9.8kg. This is exceptional, amazing, brilliant, wonderful.

But yet I feel really despondent.

I’ve spent the day sitting at my desk, asking myself why. And to be honest I still have no idea. So I hope by sitting down and committing some of these thoughts in black and white I’ll have a clearer idea of what the problem really is.

There are lots of good things happening at the moment – things I’m proud of and really happy about:

1.      I have well exceeded my expectations.At the start of this program I set my 12 week weightloss goal at 10kg. It is only week 6 and I have already lost 9.8kg. So definitely I am not ‘down’ because I haven’t been achieving. And achieving is really important to me. I have been a super-high achiever all my life. I’m a perfectionist and I work really hard at everything I do.

2.      I am already feeling fitter, healthier and happier.
I have started to notice a real change in my body shape, in the way I’m feeling and my ability to keep up in group exercise classes. I’m feeling better than I have for years. So the real benefits of losing weight are already obvious to me.

3.      I am still sticking rigidly to the nutrition program and my commitment to exercise is rising and rising.
I am loving the food I’m eating. I’m loving being organised. I’m loving that I don’t feel hungry the majority of the time but I’m learning to recognise what real hunger is. And (I NEVER thought I’d say this!) I’m loving exercising. But yet I still feel very grumpy today and almost ready to pack it all in.

But yet there are also things that I’m feeling anxious and upset about:

1.      I haven’t lost 10kg.
I started telling people at work on Monday that I’d lost 10kg, because I knew I was so close and I thought I’d lost those extra 500g by Wednesday. I haven’t. I’ve ONLY lost 9.8kg.

2.      I don’t think I’m going to reach 88kg by 24^th July.
This might sound like a rather specific and bizarre comment to make. BUT my parents are coming to Australia to visit me and arrive on 24^th July. They don’t know that I’m doing the 12WBT programme. The last time I remember being happy-ish with my weight was when I was at uni and I weighed between 13-14 stone. So when I get to 88kg I’ll be in the 13 stone bracket and my parents will really notice a difference. I guess this is a stupid success measure to impose on myself. My parents will notice a difference anyway and the difference between 88kg and 92kg is not going to show greatly to them!

But I think actually writing this has begun to help me realise what my despondence and anxiety today is all about. Hitting the halfway point in the program has made me realise that these 12 weeks are going to end. The past 6 weeks have flown by, and soon enough I’m going to be back in the big wide scary world and not within the comfort that the rigid program, and the network of support that the forum provides.

I guess I’m already starting to question whether I will be able to cope on my own.

And this is being made even worse by the fact that I know my family are coming to visit, and they will be on holiday – they will want to go out to all the best restaurants in Melbourne and I will want to be with them, enjoying everything they do.

This is exactly where my previous self-sabotaging behaviour would have begun to kick in. Fat Jo would be saying to herself, ‘you’re going on holiday in a month anyway, so what’s the point of trying to be good now?’.

Well, do you know what? I’m not going to let Fat Jo win. Fat Jo has gone – there’s no place for her now. I’m going to be following the program to the letter until my parents arrive. And when they arrive, I will have to relax somewhat – more treat meals will creep in. But there are some things I will still be in control of:

1.      I can make sure I exercise regularly.

2.      I can make sure every meal I eat at home or at work is within my 300 calorie allowance.

3.      I can cut down on my snacking in between meals.

4.      I don’t have to clean my plate at restaurants, or have 3 courses.

And, I’ve already signed up for round 3, so I know that when my parents leave Australia on 27 August I will be ready to start again and I will be able to lose more and more weight.

Thanks for listening – I already feel so much more positive!

Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner, that I love London so!

Over this weekend we found out what tickets we have been allocated for the London 2012 Olympics. This is a really big deal to me. I was born in London and have lived in London all my life (that is until I moved to Australia last October). I am so excited about being a Londoner during the 2012 Olympics (even though technically I'm currently not a Londoner, I'll always be one at heart!).

So to find out that we did REALLY well with our ticket applications was totally amazing. As a family we have got tickets for 7 events, including 2 athletics sessions, beach volleyball, synchronised swimming, canoe slalom, water polo and rowing. It is going to be absolutely fantastic and I am so excited.

But most importantly of all, having tickets for the Olympics means that I will be going back home to London for a couple of weeks in July 2012. In fact, that's about 13 months away. And when I go back I WILL BE AT MY GOAL WEIGHT.

This will be such a huge celebration for me. I will get to see all my friends and family and I will weigh less than I ever have as an adult. I will weigh under 65kg and I will be in my normal BMI.

The Olympics are also about 3 months before my 30th birthday - which means I'm also not going to be fat and 30 but fit and 30!

I feel like the 12WBT program will start my life afresh. It already has, and I am so grateful.

HRM

YAY!!!! My husband came home from work last night with a shiny new HRM for me! I am so excited and very very grateful!

My shiny new HRM

BUT... I was off sick yesterday with a dreadful cold (heavy cough and sinus headache as well) and woke up this morning and just can't train. I know all the advice says that with a cold it's ok to train, but I know my body and I know if I push it today I will get a chest infection or a sinus infection and then have to take a week off.

I am feeling quite chuffed with myself though. The old Jo (Fat Jo) would have taken being sick as an excuse to eat EVERYTHING in sight. As my mum used to say 'a little bit of what you fancy when you're not well does you the world of good' or 'starve a fever, feed a cold'.

However, the new Jo (Thin Jo) has stuck perfectly to the nutrition plan.

This is good... very good!

I even had to face a huge temptation yesterday. A package arrived from my mum in England, with lots of treats from home. She'd sent over my favourite Sanctuary body products in sachets, a t-shirt from the stage show of the Wizard of Oz and some of my favourite sweets (lollies) from home. Cola cubes and rhubarb and custard sweets. OMG was I so tempted! But 24 hours later and they're still sitting in packets, ready to be taken to work and distributed to colleagues on Monday (they just go mad for English lollies!).

Lollies Galore!

BTW - my mum didn't send these over to tempt me. She doesn't yet know that I'm part of the 12WBT family and that I've lost 8kg and am working towards my goal of losing 40kg. My family (mum, dad and two sisters) are all coming to Australia for the first time at the end of July and I want to meet them at the airport and have them shocked and surprised at my weight loss. So she's not sending over lollies to taunt me!

So off to Coles to get my weekly shopping done. The meal plans for the week ahead look fab - really looking forward to the Vietnamese beef noodle soup on Wednesday - yum!

The First Post

And here it begins...

My name is Jo and I'm five weeks into my first round of Michelle Bridge's 12 Week Body Transformation Program (12WBT). I have never blogged before or even kept a diary for more than a week or so, but this program is already changing me!

I have been so inspired by some of the 12WBT bloggers that I felt compelled to begin writing about my own journey. This is primarily for the following reasons:

1. This program is totally amazing. I want to record how incredible it is to inspire other people to join up and make the changes that they need to for a better version of themselves.

2. My body, mind and physical ability is improving at such a rate that I feel I need to keep a record of my achievements so that I can begin to believe what I'm seeing.

3. I have always been a really reflective person, but have done this pretty privately up to this point. I guess it's always hard to know whether any one will be interested in these reflections, but I know that the other 12WBT blog posts I have been reading have interested me - so I hope mine too have some merit.

Also, it helps that I'm off work sick today (I have a horrible cold) so I have some unexpected free time!

So thank you for joining me on this journey.